Coping with Grief as a Survivor

It is normal to have a range of emotions from sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, relief, gratitude, happiness, and more during and after a cancer experience. One emotion that many survivors experience is grief.

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What is grief?

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Often, grief is discussed when we experience a loss due to the death of a loved one. However, we can experience grief when there is any life change that includes other types of loss. When grieving, you may experience emotions like sadness, anger, anxiety, helplessness, shock, and numbness. You may spend time yearning or longing for the way life was before cancer. You may find that you feel disconnected from others and don’t feel like you know who you are anymore. Grief can also contribute to physical discomfort including fatigue, difficulty concentrating, sleep changes and more. 

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Why do cancer survivors experience grief?

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Going through a cancer experience can be filled with loss and change. The feeling you have in response to these losses and changes is grief.  You may be grieving the loss of the body you had before your diagnosis or the changes you experience in relationships, work, or finances. You may even grieve the loss of ideas, like the loss of a “healthy self image”, the loss of future dreams or hopes, the loss of innocence, or the loss of your pre-cancer sense of self.  You might miss how things were before cancer, or even the people and routine from treatment.

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Here are some things you might experience if you are grieving: 

1. You may feel sadness, shock, numbness, anger, guilt, helplessness, and yearning.
2. You may experience physical symptoms such as fatigue, tightness in your chest or throat, or hollowness in your stomach.  You may be confused, distracted, or have difficulty concentrating.
3. You may think a lot about the past and wish things could be different.
4. You might have trouble sleeping or eating well.
5. You might cry often or feel teary-eyed.
6. You may feel disconnected from others or withdraw from social situations.

How to cope with grief: 

1. Understand Grief: Knowing and naming why you feel this way can help you make sense of your experience.
2. Find helpful ways to express your emotions. Journaling, listening to music, being creative, or talking with someone may help you feel better.
3. Talk About It: Sharing your feelings with someone you trust or a therapist can make you feel supported and understood.
4. Take Care of Yourself: Nourishing your body, prioritizing rest, and doing things you enjoy can improve your mood.
5. Connect with Supportive Loved Ones: Spending time with supportive family and friends who care about you can help when experiencing grief.
6. Be Patient and Practice Self-Compassion: Grieving takes time and is unique to each person. Understand that you will have a range of emotions that can be triggered without warning.  Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself space to heal.
7. Seek Help: If you're finding it hard to cope, talking to a therapist or joining a support group can provide additional support.

Grieving after an experience with cancer is normal, but you don't have to face it alone. By understanding grief and finding healthy ways to cope, you can continue to feel engaged in your life after cancer. Remember, there are ways to feel better. It's okay to ask for help when you need it.